A comedy of errors - Part 1

I have a confession. I may have been an accessory to an assault. Claire was in heat, I'm sure of it. I only held her collar, and then a lead, and then a leg, and then two legs and then grabbed 2 other adults to help hold her down while 'Cow' had his way with her. I couldn't find it in myself to feel bad for her since I was sweating, dirty and covered in buck urine (among other things) by the time I loaded her back in the trailer.

Sweet little Claire, in her younger years, always a jumping bean. I should have known...

She had been in heat all day, flagging (tail wagging) and flirting at the fence.  I had planned to cart her 45 min away to MRKF farms to breed her to a lovely older buck named Fargo. You see, Claire hasn't been out of the barn since she was a young kid, so she was a little freaked out about her 'date'. I knew we were in for trouble when I walked her over to the love-shack and she tucked her tail under and started curling into herself and looking for a way out. No flagging, no flirting, just sheer terror. 30 minutes of wrestling, flipping, deer-like leaping, twisting, crying and flailing later, I had surrendered and Fargo fell out of love.

Luckily, there was another impressively pedigreed buck available, a young striking holstein-esque buckling fittingly named 'Cow'. Hoping Claire would be less intimidated by a smaller buck, we introduced them, only to have the same result. 3 adults, two goats and the goats were winning 10:1. After yet another struggle, the humans (and Cow) prevailed and I hoisted her back on to the trailer. Now we wait 21 days for a 'take' and hope to hell we don't have to repeat this fiasco. As I pulled out of the driveway, my phone *pinged* with an incoming message from Rog.

S  H  I  T. . . . 

Elina was also in heat, so Rog's task when I was gone was to breed her to Capone. Capone, though huge, has always been kind of a sissy but boy does he like to show off when he gets the girl. He roars with an imposing lion-like quality and focuses more on keeping the other bucks away from his prize. The buck stalls are separated by a wall of 2" x 6"s to prevent fights. Well, not any more. . .

He blasted right through it, sternum first to pick a fight with Bugs and Mickey, tearing bolts from the walls, splintering wood, sending water buckets and hay into the air with a flourish. Queen Elina just stood mesmerized in the corner, starry eyed and wondering where her soul mate disappeared to. After they got a solid fight in and exhausted themselves, Rog was able to safely separate them, them commence rebuilding the wall with 2" x 8"s this time!

Did I do that?

I arrived home, unloaded Claire, hurried to the buck barn to survey the damage and check on Capone. He was certainly a little subdued but still blubbering like a fool, beard wet with urine. A little pain shot, a quick check and we were ready to throw in the towel for the night. Over my shoulder I heard a muted maa. . . and Claire trotted up, flagging and making googly eyes at the boys, her breeding trauma forgotten. And there she stood, wagging, flagging, winking, smooching and lingering, late into the night and for the morning that followed. Just when we think we have things figured out, those pesky goats never fail to throw us for a loop.

Gone is the clean shiny coat and flowing white beard. No this isn't a golden guernsey, this is my saanen.  Yes, he was white a few short weeks ago. Yes, that is all urine. Yes, he stinks to high heaven.

Excuse me, I seem to have lost my phone number, can I please borrow yours?